A Christmas Story by yours truly

As soon as Thanksgiving Day was over it was a known fact that mom and dad's walk in closet was not to be entered. From a young age I understood that all the brightly colored Christmas presents from my parents lived in there till the 25th.

My father was often out of town on business. It was these special nights that I would curl up in my mom's lush bed and get to sleep next to her. She would tuck me in and go downstairs and inevitably start the daily vacuuming (my mom's one true obsessive quality that luckily did not carry over to me). In years past I was able to shut out the call of the closet. But at age six it began to really get to me. Just one peak won't hurt. With all the vacuum noise mom would surely not hear me get out of bed.

I crept to the closet with my heart pounding. I opened the door slowly expecting to reveal My Little Pony heaven but disappointingly finding mom and dad's boring clothes and... wait a minute Toys R Us bags. The next few seconds were a blur while morally I made the decision to be on the naughty list. My eyes grow wide upon looking into the bag and there she is. The red headed Cabbage Patch Doll with a purple jumper!! She has to be mine. There are boxes of Micro Machines for my brother that make a perfect backdrop for my doll. I take her out give her a kiss and run back to bed.

Now I would like to tell you that this was the only time I snuck in the closet. From that night on, however, every night I would go visit my doll. Letting her know that Christmas was coming soon and she need not be scared of the dark closet. Each time I put her back exactly as I found her, my little Christmas secret.

Christmas morning finally came and my brother and I were up before dawn surveying the gifts under the tree. There were always two piles. The gifts from my parents, and the wonky wrapped presents from Santa. Yes, there were even presents for me from Santa. Clearly, he had forgiven my sneaky spying and understood I was just taking care of my dolly.

My mom has her coffee and the gift opening finally starts. I go straight for their gifts. Santa and his elves are great and all, but I know mom got me the ginger doll. I'm tearing through the paper and to the last present from the parents and it's a..... Easy Bake Oven.. Wait! Where is my doll.

There must of been a flicker of sadness in my eyes as my mom passes me a gift from Santa. I know that I cant express my sadness because in doing so would be admitting to poking through the closet. I'm unwrapping Santa's gift and there she is. Amazing!! Together at last ... But wait

"Mom this is from Santa?"

"Yes Pooh Bear he obviously knew you love your dolls"

"But Santa only delivers gifts on Christmas Eve"

"Yup. That's part of the magic"

"Well did he drop this off early for me?"

I still believed in the magic of Santa for a few years after this, and choose not to put the pieces together. However, I never snuck in to the closet again.

The Master Cleanse

So it's demo reel time and....I have been wanting to loose a few pounds and have not had much success.  By no means am I over weight but I know that I no longer am at my ideal.  Gone are the days of being twenty three when running on the treadmill was enough.  By the way, I always hated when people would say to me "It's all down hill once you hit twenty-five".  And I hate to say it  but, It's all down hill once you hit twenty-five.

My friend started posting about the Master Cleanse.  Initially, my reaction was that it was downright insane.  By the way it is downright insane.  At first, I chuckled about it, but my interest quickly grew.  Three days later I had an arm full of lemons, Grade B Maple syrup, cayenne pepper, uniodized salt, and pure determination.  I wanted to start immediately.  However, it was six o clock on a Saturday night and I knew I needed to start fresh.  I couldn't wait to wake up, drink my concoction and be skinny.

Day 1

The plan is to make it ten days.  I mark the calendar with a clear start and a clear finish. Next I guzzle salt water (which is nasty but works) and make my first drink.  "Hey this tastes pretty good!".  

Now day one was not too bad.  Towards the end I wanted to partake in my roomies Birthday cake, but it will just have to wait till next year.  

"I can do this", I smile. 

Day 2

I wake up and I feel good, not too hungry even.  I guzzle some salt water and am off to work.

Here we go.

Good start but day two was bad!   I'm working at a catering cafe for big shows in the area.  The problem was not that I wanted to eat everything in site but just that my brain was slow.. Really slow.  People would order and I would forget seconds later. I was in a constant daze.

At the end of my shift I grabbed a sandwich for my boyfriend and drove home.  This is when the migraines hit.  Caffeine migraines that felt like someone was squeezing and screaming in to my head.

"Drink more water, you are probably dehydrated", he says.

"Are you serious? That's all I am doing is drinking bullshit lemonade and water"!

The hinger pains quickly followed.  I tried to watch TV, but on every channel someone was stuffing their face with food.. Evil food.

At this point I do the good deed of giving my boyfriend the sandwich.  He tares into it and tears stream down my face.  "I cant believe you would eat my sandwich in front of me"! The hysterics and dramatics unfold.  My behaviour was ridiculous.  The good news is that after all this I still have a boyfriend.

I went to bed early... There was no other escape.

Day 3

Once again I wake up feeling great!  I have tons of energy (then again I went to bed at 9 and had over twelve hours of sleep which in my life is unheard of).  With this energy I decide to go for a run, and do laundry.

Day three was...expensive.  The hunger was suprisingly not bad but once again I felt fuzzy.  My run was normal and afterwards I felt great.  Tragedy struck when I went to do laundry.  Listening to my ipod I threw in white sheets with a spring to my step.  I walked into the kitchen made my lemonade and froze. "NO"! I knew I did it almost instantly.  I ran to the washer dipped my hands down in scalding hot water, and there it was. My Blackberry.  My new phone. My life.  Hunger was definitely not on my mind as I tried to dry out my phone with no luck.

It was obvious that the lack of food was going straight to my head.  The problem was that I was too invested at this point.  I made it past the horror of Day 2.  So, I decided to stick it out and continue to detox.

Day 4

Life is good. My skin seems clearer my jeans are looser. Best of all I am really no longer hungry!

Now Day 4 starts off with great optimism.  It is also the last of my Cleanse Days.

About mid way through the day I started feeling really stiff.  As a dancer I have always been flexible. So, I was shocked (more so horrified) when I could not touch my toes.  In fact, I couldn't even make it half way to my toes.  My legs hurt. It got worse and worse, to the point that they ached just sitting.  

After a few phone calls, and panicked friends it was decided that something was wrong.  For the record I didn't over due it with my four mile run the day before.  Lately I have been clocking in runs up to 10 miles and I truly took it easy.  

With a heavy heart (I made it this far after all) I put the lemons away.  I digested some bland food, and began to recover.

Aftermath

The Master Cleanse is intense.  It is imperative that you are around people that really like and know you.  You will act like a completely crazy person at points.  It is a mental game.  People say it is perfectly healthy, but I am not convinced.

In the four days I lost three pounds.. For me that's a lot.  The days that followed it continued to fall off.  It has been a week and I lost five pounds total.  

It was a success but with a cost.